Want your partner to work on your relationship as much as you do? Listen to this marriage therapist

After a while in a relationship, we tend to get comfortable; sometimes a little too comfortable. Weekly dates can fall by the wayside, check-ins can go forgotten, and even anniversaries — once a celebration of a life created together — can become just a another day in a month full of busy ones.

A: Whenever talking about something with a partner when you worry s/he may get defensive, use a lot of “I” and feeling statements. Take ownership of some of the problems or concerns you have and take responsibility of your part. That makes it feel less like a criticism or blame. And it is usually true! It takes two. For example, “I have been noticing that I have been taking you for granted. I’d really like to try to be more mindful of how wonderful you are. I’ve found a bot that will help me. I wonder if you would be willing to try it too?”

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What a waste of time, honey. What a waste of your life. Why don’t you stop hating yourself and see how much less hate you have to spew on other people?